Strangely understanding my recurrent daydream

Lately I have had to make many choices which is no difference since I graduated highschool and some time before that and well some of them I'm sure I made the right decision at the moment and I think whichever decision I had made at that moment I would still think I was making the right decision and still think that perhaps I had been better off had I gone with the opposing decision and well it's natural I guess. I am learning to stand by my decisions or at least that's what I'm trying to reach. I am also noticing that my original ideas are getting influenced by things around me like marriage and children, two of the things I know I don't actually want but for some reason crave or feel the need for. the other day i thought about my constant daydream of marrying the person that I was crushing on and well that person has been changed a few times and this daydream bothers me because I know reality me doesn't want that right away, reality me wants to wait a while but I was thinking why is it that my default daydream is to take me into this. So I did a little thinking about how maybe my brain is searching for something symbolical like security and something that is meant to last forever and something that is meant to be happy. And I thought about how those are all things that I want obviously being happy forever isn't a thing but I want to thrive enough that there are more happy moments than bad moments. I want to feel secure because my life has been so unbalanced since childhood and all I had wanted then I couldn't express but now that I can it is so vital to my friendships and relationships that once there are signs that something might not be secure sends me the other way. I think my daydream is just that, its not saying that marriage is my deepest unconscious desire but instead it found a way of using something symbolical for the things I've wanted and needed. I got scared for a while about it because I used to daydream about me being a badass, I would be every female lead character that I read and maybe the reason I'm not doing that anymore is not that I lost focus or touch with my career aspirations but that this is the period of who am I and why am I like this or what are the things that brought me here and do they still help me or have I felt so much comfort doing them that I'm running right in place and what are the things I have to get going so that I could change it