My inner voice

Right now is a time that I never thought would come
I honestly didn't see myself alive right now
I thought that I couldn't handle every thought that crossed my mind
It was like living a nightmare but at least with a nightmare I'd wake up and realize that it was not real
With my thoughts it was knowing that every single thought was fueled with every memory of everything that broke me, it was more vivid than any nightmare
I felt that I had no control over it, I thought that I should be able to control it
I don't think that is true now, there is so many thoughts that cross my mind, it is really about what you say after each thought
What I mean by say, is not literally saying something outloud but more like using your inner voice
This year I learned how to use it to help me, my inner voice is my response to every thought such as the bad memories or the regrets, I always make sure to acknowledge that I am thinking about them and that it is okay and normal for me to have them
Sometimes the things get out of hand and my inner voice says that I need to think about it or that I have other priorities, I use it to remind myself that I am living right now and that I have a schedule
But it took alot for me to get to this point because a few years ago that same inner voice would instigate my thoughts further
Ir took a few experiences and a few posts about self care until I realized that I need to care for myself more not only by doing face masks but by being good to myself and that meant being good to my body and just learning how to respond to myself although most of those things I saw online I realize that the first person that I should hear them from is from me because I knew that if I waited for someone else to tell me them, well it'd be unrealistic and it's not an expectation that I should have if I can't even do it for myself, I think this process is about that
Its learning that what I want from other people to give me, I need to learn to give to myself so that I can finally give it to someone else