I wonder whether everything I do is going to be worth in the end
I wonder whether I should even tell anyone parts of me because despite people knowing them, those things will be used to tear you down
I think that's why I doubt when someone says I love you, it seems so easy to say something that is supposed to be so meaningful. I think the three most special words have become so lack of sentiment that it's the same as hearing I'm sorry.
I don't need those words if you aren't prepared to explain to me why. Even then the reasons of why someone loves me is usually something that seems selfish, someone thinks I'm perfect or amazing. I don't think these people understand that love means loving people even when they don't think they are loveable, when they spill their truth to you because of how much trust you have worked to build because you know this person has had a rough past and you want to know and you will put in the work every day to see the day that you hear why a wall was built so strongly. I don't know if it is unhealthy to expect that from a person but I'm tired of hearing I love you if the second the time comes to fight for love that same person gives up because at that point I give up. People close the door on me and I have the strength to walk away because I cannot fight other people's battles,I will be there right with them but I am tired of opening the door if they won't be with me in my battles. But make no mistake, I will fight every battle alone or with the people in my life who have stayed and I will win every battle. The day someone shows me that they can fight with me and those people will be the day I might actually feel like saying those words might have meaning again. But I don't know if that day will come but for now I know that I can fight my battles everyday for as long as I have to because this is the life that I was given and I'll be damned if I let anyone even come close to a minor scratch or injury on this warrior inside of me.