I'm afraid of what home will do to me
I'm scared that I will fall into old patterns and loose all motivation
I'm scared that my mood will deteriorate and I will reach my threshold and from that I know that it will be difficult to come back
I need to be wary and subtract myself from situations if that is what is best for me
I owe nothing to my mother therefore I should not give her the time of day, if i feel any negative feelings and i see them affecting me that is a clear sign that if I cannot evade her than I should have to leave
I need to take care of me this time around and it is not my responsibility to take care of anyone else anymore I have to take care of myself this time and ensure that I come it in one piece
If this involves moving miles away again then I will gladly take it
I don't have the same emotional connections therefore I can leave in a heartbeat and that's a great thing, I am not tied to something therefore it makes it easier for me to make choices that are good for me, it is not my responsibility to take care of my mother as she has not changed and I'm making a choice that is for my wellbeing regardless of how old she is, although I have forgiven her, the trauma she inflicted will never forgive her because through her lies some of my unhealthiest coping mechanisms and some of my most sad and painful memories