It's been a while

Everyone complains about not being able to remember their dreams but I don't think I want that luxury given that I woke up to nightmares, my dreams always showed some kind of fear, I  was scared of death. If you knew me in real life every statement I say, is about how I do not fear death, I embrace it as if we are friends and I welcome it whenever it decides is my time. Yet in every nightmare I fight for my life more than I ever did when I was alive and thought that I should have been dead. Now I don't know if that was my body's way of telling me that it was fighting to keep me alive, that I wasn't listening to it, that deep inside me, my instinct is to live. I feel like I should treat my life the way my head treats my life in dreams and it is to fight for it no matter how frightened I am. Because I am frightened to live, I'm frightened of living in the present, I'm frightened that if I think about the present too much I won't be encouraged to my future. Yet so many people live in the present and I have the tendency to forget that. I start foreseeing my future and I forget to include others in it or find a way to include them forgetting that they have a future they have no idea about and yet I'm taking it for granted.