I don't know why it upsets me when someone said something that I have been thinking for years know
I don't know why I already assume that it is truth
I can only assume that someone with twenty years of experience can tell when they see it
I don't know why I couldn't stop crying, why this person knew it'd be painful
I don't know if I want to know for sure
If I do I feel like I'll blame it for alot
But I am allowed to do so
It would explain so much and I am desperate to have an explanation of why I can't relate to so many people
I can't explain alot and I want to begin to be able to, otherwise this journey that I am on will never be complete
I think this has opened up the box of how people's treatment of me has actually been more traumatic and it wasn't even over a choice that I made, which I'm afraid will revive a hatred in me that I worked so hard to overcome
I used to be so angry at the world, constantly asking why me
I still ask that sometimes but I am making an effort, I am working so hard and right now it isn't feeling like it's enough
But I am, I am doing so much, I am doing things I never imagined. I am happy in doing so too, and I don't know what knowing this will do to me when things happen.