I can't remember the first time I questioned why god chose to give me all this pain
People say it's god's way to prepare you for something greater, and that god knows what he is doing
But see I may have once believed in a god but now I can only say this world doesn't owe a single person a thing and if I have to believe in anything it would be that the person I owe all my belief in is me, in my capabilities, in my strength
This pain that I have someone is feeling it, for different reasons and in different magnitudes and they are probably much younger than me
The sadness that I feel for them comes from understanding that I didn't get the chance to know what it felt like to be happy before I didn't know if happiness even existed or would ever exist
I don't think it's a matter of destiny or god or even biology to create the perfect climate for this type of emotional disturbance
I think it's a matter of a combination of things but also a matter of choices because even our biology is not set in stone and that is enough to say that there is a realm of possibilities and alot of those choices can both be for the people around us but most importantly in our own
People said it would get better and it's very anticlimatic to say that it did but the remnants of what I went through will affect me for years
Nonetheless to say I do not regret living, I do not regret the ways I have learned the hardest lessons, but everyday I feel more prepared for my life ahead
Because one day these lessons will be just stories I tell
No comments:
Post a Comment