I am my own

Who am I
It seems to be the looming questions these past few days
I don't know if I was any closer to me than I was before
It feels as though my priorities aren't as meaninful
But I think I mistake the thoughts as priorities because I let them invade and I let them roam free adding more details as they go until they seem more real and much more important than they actually are
I have trouble letting go of the good, I have trouble letting go of the bad
So how do I get to where I can let go of both?
I have to imagine something that will let me go of both these thoughts because both make me stay in the past or make me focus too much on the future, not at the present moment
I have trouble living in my present going day by day, I always daydream about what I want and now I only daydream of having someone as company
This doesn't get me any closer to a better me, I think about of how I've spent my life taking care of others and I can't do that in relationships anymore, I am too young to raise a child and I am too old to help one who wasn't raised by their mother the way they should have been
This is not my responsibility, I have to look out for myself and taking time for me is a priority right now, I am enough on my own, I don't need to beg someone to talk to me because I am valuable and if someone doesn't take their time of the day to cultivate my care or my affection then I am not going to stay there and wait until they can
I need to realize that I am amazing, I need to believe it when I say it, I need to realize that I need to find myself within every compliment in my own voice so that whenever someone says it, it doesn't mean as much because I've already said it to myself everyday and that is my goal, those are my goals
My relationship goals are making my relationship with my mind better, I want to combine my emotional mind and my rational mind so that I could be wiser and I know that I am very well capable
This is my way of finding both, I know that I am okay, that everything's going to be okay because I am here, I am alive, I have done so much to stay here, to survive, I can do a few more weeks, I can fucking do this, I don't need to be reminded that I can because I just fucking can and I shall not question it. I am capable of so much, I want to do some great things and I have to put in that effort everyday. That takes power, that takes strength, that takes courage. I am here for myself everyday. This is me taking time to make me better, to learn about me, to look out for me. I am doing good, I have been doing good. I know that I don't think about it enough but I have accomplished so much, I have challenged myself to do things I didn't know I was capable of. I am not that girl who lost alot, I am the girl who fucking crawled up the largest mountain in my life and will continue crawling if I have to, until my fingers are bloody and I can see my next mountain and know deep within me that these mountains they are worth climbing, it is my purpose, each mountain will test me but it is a mountain nonetheless. The weather, the distance, the distractions/obstructions might be different but everytime I earn another part of me, I am getting myself back. I am the true test of my own motivation.